


Some Nights....

by OceanShay



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Song Inspired, Song fic, based on a fun (artist) song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 14:21:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18390155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanShay/pseuds/OceanShay
Summary: Song used is Some Nights by FUN





	Some Nights....

_Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck_  
_Some nights I call it a draw_

  
Klaus stared intently at the pills sitting on the counter. They were calling his name again, wanting to get him high, drown out the noise, make him feel normal. Ben, his ghost of a brother, had told him not to, it would make it harder for him to connect with his family, his powers, Dave. Some nights he felt like he couldn’t make it without the high of drugs, but he couldn’t give up.

  
_Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle_  
_Some nights I wish they'd just fall off_

  
When he was high, Klaus’s filter turned off. He would just say anything that came to mind, and talking to the ghosts around him didn’t seem out of place in the crowd. He felt good, free to say whatever he wanted without judgement. And anyway, who wouldn’t expect someone to be speaking to themselves when they were high off their ass?

_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_  
_Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh_

The one ghost that stuck around him despite his drug addictions was his own dead brother. Ben was practically glued to Klaus these days. He always said it was better than what his other options were, and it was more entertaining to watch his brother get into trouble. Deep down, Ben knew what their adoptive father knew, that if Klaus could get a grip on his powers, he could actually talk with the rest of his family again, and help them during the end of the world.

_Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)_  
_Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)_  
_Most nights I don't know anymore…_

Klaus put his head in his hands, whispering quietly to himself. So much was changing so fast. His whole family had finally come together again after 10 years of being seperated. Not only that, but not much had changed in their relationships with each other. Everyone ignored Klaus, Diego and Luther were at each other’s throats, Allison was trying to defend Luther, and Vanya stayed quiet in the background. In many ways, Klaus related to Vanya more than anyone else, pushed to the side so their more powerful and loud siblings could get the most attention. But he had powers, and that would always separate them, at least according to their father.  
_Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh_  
_Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh_

A tear broke free from his eyes, followed by more, as he the reality of the situation he was in came crashing down on him.

_This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?_   
_Why don't we break the rules already?_

His mind wandered to Dave, his almost-boyfriend-but-not-because-it-was-the-1960s. Klaus wanted desperately to have Dave with him again, in his arms. He had been trying to stay sober in hopes of being able to summon him and talk with him again, like he had with his brother. Nothing had worked and he feared the worst. He knew Dave had died, he had seen it with his own eyes, but did he want to see him anymore? What would Dave think of his powers?

_I was never one to believe the hype_   
_Save that for the black and white_

Dave was the only person Klaus really got along with in the military. The only one who had really gotten to know him. What would have happened if he hadn’t gotten a hold of the briefcase that his kidnappers had hidden, would he have ever met Dave? Would he have ended up in the middle of a war anyway? Although he had seen dramatization of war in his youth, and had dealt with ghosts of soldiers in his “training sessions” with his father, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw out there. There was no way to describe the horrors of living in the swamps, under threat of your life, knowing you were fighting for a worthless cause.

_I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked_  
 _But here they come again to jack my style_  
Dammit dammit dammit dammit, he thought. Everything came down on him at once, his repressed childhood trauma, the constant high from drugs and alcohol, the war, his renewed tension with his siblings, everything. A flood of emotion came upon him. He tried hard to keep his sadness and depression at bay, but there were times where it would just come flooding out. At least he was alone this time. He could still keep up the act of being laid back and dumb around his family, like they always thought he was.

_That's alright (that's alright)_   
_I found a martyr in my bed tonight_   
_She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am_   
_Oh, who am I? Mmm... Mmm..._

He clutched his arms and started rocking back and forth, back and forth on the floor. There was nobody who would really understand what he could do. Seeing ghosts everyday would take a toll on anyone’s mental health, he told himself. It would be normal to be overwhelmed by what he saw everyday. There was nobody who would understand, nobody to talk to about his issues.

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end_   
_'Cause I could use some friends for a change_

He reached his hand out for the drugs, stopping short of grabbing them. They could only numb him to the ghosts temporarily, there wasn’t a permanent way to stop them. Maybe if he worked on improving his power, he would be able to keep them at bay, but who knows how long that would take. It could be months or even years before he could get a hold of it. He wished he could just talk to living people and not worry about seeing the dead, like everyone else. He just wanted it to stop.

_And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again_   
_Some nights I always win, I always win..._

Klaus knew that of all seven of his siblings, he was one of the most forgettable. Until recently, he hadn’t really been able to use his powers in combat, he would just stand aside, talking to a ghost that had shown up wherever they were. He had taken martial arts like the rest of his siblings, but he would never be as good at it as Diego or Luther or even Allison was. The only one more forgettable was Vanya, but even she had a power that could kick some ass immediately. He still had to concentrate with everything he had to bring Ben into the living world.

_But I still wake up, I still see your ghost_   
_Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh_

Klaus felt a presence next to him. Ben placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t give in Klaus,” he said. Ben had been more and more forceful about this ever since they discovered Klaus could bring him back into the material world, at least temporarily. He didn’t want to disappear forever, and now he wouldn’t.

_Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)_   
_Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)_   
_Most nights I don't know... (oh, come on)_

Klaus looked up at Ben, staring into his deep brown eyes, tears falling from his own. Klaus grabbed the pills and chucked them across the room, scattering them. He could get through tonight without a high, right?

_So this is it. I sold my soul for this?_   
_Washed my hands of that for this?_   
_I miss my mom and dad for this?_

Klaus hadn’t been sober in years, and it would take a while to completely break himself from the bad habit without withdrawal symptoms. It would take time, everyone told him. Some of his siblings had tied him to a chair to help him resist the temptation when it was too great for him alone.

_(Come on)_

“That’s it,” said Ben, mimicking squeezing his shoulder.  
 _No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are_  
 _When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on_

Eventually, the drugs wouldn’t tempt him anymore. They would just be a thing of his past. In a few months he would be mostly in control of his urges, and find healthy outlets for himself when he did feel the urge to smoke or take pills. He didn’t want them to control his life anymore. No, he would make his own path. But for now, he had to focus on getting through the night without them.

_The other night you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me_   
_I called you up but we'd both agree_

He closed his eyes tight, trying to visualize himself sober. His attitude would improve, his relationships wouldn’t be so distant, he was talking with Dave again. Tears continued to flow down his cheeks as he thought of seeing Dave again.

_It's for the best you didn't listen_   
_It's for the best we get our distance... Oh..._   
_It's for the best you didn't listen_   
_It's for the best we get our distance... Oh…_

Klaus took a deep breath, in and out. Then another, and another. He took these breaths, focusing on Dave, hoping he could see him again, even briefly. In…out….in….out…. Slowly, Klaus opened his eyes again, and for a split-second, he could have sworn he had seen Dave’s ghost.  
He let it all go.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading all the way through! I really loved the Umbrella Academy and this idea came really quickly to me and I just really like exploring characters' psyche in this way. I'd like to give a special thanks to Lily @waitineedaname for reading this and my other writings in advance and giving me advice. Please go show her some love too, she deserves it.


End file.
